Hearts | Forward this Picture
As winter moves ever so slowly in the direction of spring, I have experienced a new wave of grief, as the calendar flipped over into February...the month that is traditionally so symbolic of love and lovers. For many single people, February is a tough month to get through, because it highlights our aloneness, or in my case, it makes Buck's absence extra glaring! Buck and I always liked to make Valentine's Day special for each other. This month is a painful reminder of the special relationship we once possessed and that it no longer exists. Never-the-less, the love and memories will always remain and they continue to be my treasure!
As I endeavor to move along on my journey of widowhood, I have been trying to fulfill my New Year commitment to focus on the present. As the memories come to visit, I savor them for a time and let the tears fall, if they are present, and then make it a point to think about something else. It has been beneficial and I am very thankful that the Lord inspired this new way of thinking. It is a healthy emotional step toward the healing of my heart.
With the dawning of the new month, the thought occurred to me that I am no one's valentine. But, that idea was quickly followed by the strong sensing of a quiet voice that spoke to my wounded heart saying, "That's not true! I have loved you since long before you were born; from the beginning of time! I love you so much, I died for you!" How thankful I am that I was able to hear that still, small voice; those inaudible words that my Creator used to comfort my heart! The Lover of My Soul is my valentine and always has been. He knows each one of us individually, and His Love is very personal! That thought blows me away and blesses me at the same time! Thank You for that wondrous gift that You offer to each of us, Lord! And thank You for making it possible to be alone and not feel lonely!
Two years ago, while Buck was in Open Heart ICU at York Hospital, my daughter, Sarah and I went shopping to look for a heart necklace for me. I was so excited to find the perfect one to symbolize the relationship that my sweetheart and I shared. I felt like the Lord had designed it just for me! It was composed of two hearts: a small heart tucked inside a little larger one and a small cross in the center. It was the perfect representation of the love we shared and the foundation that our relationship was built upon. And much to my delight, it was made of silver, my favorite precious metal! When I first started to wear my beautiful necklace, I took it off each night, because it had a very delicate chain that I feared might break if I wore it to bed. After two days of taking it off and putting it back on in the morning, I decided to wear it full time, as it was very difficult to get it on and off. The necklace has almost become a part of me, gracing my neck for nearly two years.
One day when I was taking a shower, some foreign thoughts drifted through my mind. I was thinking about my wedding band and wondered if or when I might ever take it off. At that very moment, the fragile chain that held my double heart, came off into my hand, and I thought it was surely broken. Even though I have another identical necklace that Sarah purchased for me in the event that something might happen to the original; I fell apart at the sight of the crumpled chain and heart in my hand. I wept until my stomach hurt and gradually as I finished showering, I was able to pull myself together. After I finished getting dressed, I put on my glasses and I was shocked to learn that my necklace was not broken after all, but had just come undone. I decided that this was God's way of telling me, "It's time to start letting go." I immediately put my necklace around my neck again. "Sorry Lord, but I'm not ready."
A few days ago, I noticed that my necklace isn't as shiny as it used to be, so I dipped it in my silver jewelry cleaner. On close examination, I could see that my heart is silver plated, not solid as I thought. The silver coating is starting to wear off after all these days of wearing it 24-7. It really has served me well, considering it's humble composition. I have decided that today, I am retiring my faithful friend, and on this Valentine's Day, I am wearing it's twin to represent my relationship and my passion for the Lover of My Soul! It will be a symbol of our love for each other and for the healing that is taking place day by day. May His message of love flow into your hearts as well, as you too realize that you also, are very much loved and you are Someone's Valentine! Happy Valentine's Day!
Lover of My Soul
Making me into the one
He wants me to be
Has loved us since before time
Gave His Life for us!
My heart within His
Encased in His Love for me
He is my passion