Sunday, January 1, 2012

A Very Different New Year, Three Years Ago

It is hard to comprehend that it has been three years, since the event that set my sweetheart and I on a roller-coaster that would four months later, carry Buck into his eternity with the Lord, and would make me a widow. As I reflect, I am so thankful that the roller-coaster has finally slowed down and I chose not to revisit the emergency, but rather, the memories that I will always cherish as my heart returns to celebrating New Year's Eve, 2008, in the home of dear friends, just hours before Buck's devastating heart attack.

In the presence of our church family friends, Buck openly thanked God and publicly professed his deep love for me! His proclamation was one of the best and most meaningful gifts he ever gave to me in the twelve years we knew each other! If tears must flow tonight, I prefer them to be tears of joy, love and remembrance as the memory of Buck's words flow through my broken, but healing heart.

Tonight as I look back, I thank God for the gift that my husband was to me and I publicly proclaim my love for my God, Who is slowly, but surely, reassembling and healing the shattered pieces of my life. Thank You, Lord, for the restoration that is taking place in my new heart and for helping me to accept and even enjoy my new normal. You know I never would have chosen this journey, but, I trust You will make something beautiful out of this brokenness. Thank You, for a brighter year ahead as we continue to travel together on the journey You have planned for me. I know Buck would be happy to know how much You have helped me to grow. Please remind him of how much I miss him and give him a big hug for  me!

To all of you who have so faithfully followed my painful journey, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring and encouraging me along the way. You will probably never understand what a precious gift you have given to me! I pray the year ahead will be filled with Peace, Joy, Love and health or healinig for you and yours. Happy New Year!

Love and hugs,


  1. The very same to you, Renee'. Thank you again for sharing your journey, and this time your great joy at having known and been married to such a wonderful man. You have always been such a gift to me. I thank God for you every time I think of you. Love, Tess

  2. Renee, Thank you for sharing. I really relate to that part where you say, "I never would have chosen this journey." Although our struggles are not the same, reading your story makes me feel less alone on my own journey. I want you to know that when I read your blog I mourn with you and rejoice with you.